May 1.1

So in the month of May (as of 23rd May 00:00 hours), a lot has happened. No doubt, i've probably laughed a lot more than i thought i have, ate a lot more fast food than i should have, and made more friends than i thought i would. But May has been tiring. It's my 5th week of school this week. I'm barely through with a month of school and here i am just really tired. Bio has been a huge pain, even though it's getting better. Physics is still a huge pain since secondary school, despite being slightly more manageable than the former. It's scary to say that i've not touched my other modules yet, and that i have a project that's due in week 12 (i think). Life's been a blur, with labs and tutorials after lectures, and then going on and on again. I feel like i'm doing A levels all over again. The pressure of having to score for my MSTs are rather high. It's scary knowing that there are students out there scoring as high as 37/40 for an ungraded quiz while i'm just passing with a 29/40 despite being a H2 physics student. I felt awful when my lecturer came up to me and said "How did you do Weiling? Did well right?" And i couldn't even respond. Friends without any background scoring 27/40 and even higher!!!! Like hey weiling hey what's up man wake up. The pressure is getting to me slightly, especially when new formulas are introduced, when terminologies used are different. It's scary when you have to be able to name at least 15 structures from the wrist up, and know how cell membranes work and the 7 steps on how to properly wash your hands. Also, I've received 2 rejection letters in 2 weeks from SMU and NTU. Honestly, i didn't think i would be fazed by them since i pretty much already made up my mind to stay in DR. But something about the fact that no school - or rather, no local university, is willing to accept a student like me, something bout it really says a lot. (However, that's also probably because i did not apply for anything that has a lower cut off, but still.) It's pretty saddening, to have to tell my parents that all i got were rejection letters. I couldn't even look at them. I felt terrible. Looking at the graduates in their gowns in school for the past few days, something really hit me. I want to wear that as well. But i want to do well. I want to do well enough to go up there and have my glamorous name read out, and be able to really feel like I've "made it". I told my friends, i want to be on the Director's list. I want to be on this, i want to be on that. I want to go to SIT, i want to work, i want to further my studies overseas, i want to take up sound imaging, i want to take up breast imaging. I always say i want these things, but what's the point of saying it? Talk is cheap, isn't it. Let's just hope all that i put in gets me somewhere one day.